i've been sick for a whole 7 days. wat the fuck... i feel like a stupid lil kid. i hardly ever get sick but i think with all the traveling for the holidays, sleeping all over the place, and being out in the cold.. i some how caught a cold. normally i will drink plenty of liquids, dayquil, nyquil, halls.. and id be fine within 3 days.. but that shit aint working this time. everyday i feel the same and i continuously blowing or hocking up the green.. yeah gross i know. but ive never had a cold for this long, hope its nothin serious. this has been a hectic week at work and i cant wait till friday at 5pm when i can jus go home and take a nap and not thinnk about anything. i really wish winter was over in january. granted, it hasnt been THAT cold, and im happy about that, i jus really wished i lived in a warm climate. anyways.. back to work

boy oh boy

okay so quick post bc im lazy and have a sick man to tend to :-/ new years.. was ...eh.. good. i cant complain. heard on the radio bout some club called imperial in nyc and all these good deejays being there so im like iight bet lets go there. online it was 50 dollars which included complimentary champagne and caribbean food, so good deal right? well the next morning when i went to purchase the tickets, the link had been removed. wtf! so im like iight we'll just pay at the door, no biggie right? turns out we get there at 11, my foolish mistake, shudve been there by 9pm, and we end up havin to wait online for about an hr and 15 mins.. so yes i was online when the clock hit 12am freezing my butt off in like 10 degree weather. dear god. i swear my toes were frost bitten. when me and k finally got in i had to literally stand there for a while to get some warmth back n my toes. then this heffa tried to charge us 100 a person, im like no we be online since 11pm. shes like okay 70 each then. fine. thats nyc im not mad. so the party was popping. great music, great food, vibes were nice. except it gets to about 4 when me and k decide we wanna leave and we go to coat check. we waited for about 45 mins for this bitch to find his coat. till i finally begged her to let me come back there. and i found it in less than 30 seconds. bitch! if u wudve let me come back there n the first place this issue wudnt have gone on for so long. anyways, get home at damn near 6am and sleep for a couple of hrs and head back to CT to babysit k's neice. so in a nutshell my nye and new years was good minus the long line and coat check. i slept for the rest of the week until i got to philly. chynas bf birthday party was last nite.. was pretty good but this boy decided he wanted to drink a gallon of alcohol. so who is paying for it? me, who had to clean him up last nite AND this morning bc he keep fuckin throwin up. gross! im very grossed out but i had no choice but to clean this nigga up. once he snaps outta it, i really wanna punch him one good time cuz i told his foolish ass to stop drinking long before he did. motherfucker.

anyways i have to sleep for the rest of the day, i have a sore throat and runny nose and mad fuckin work this upcoming week.. booooooooooooooooo

happy holidays!!!! sitting here at work miserable as hell.. luckily tho last day at work for the year, and i wont be back till the 5th.. praise the lord. i only worked 2 days last week as well so i guess i cant complain too much. december has been a wonderful month for me. ive had a lot of time to spend with family and friends and it makes me realize how bad i want to be back in ny. one day... i'll be patient till then. xmas was nice, got to spend time with my fam and kerns fam and party with my friends from back home. STILL have yet to find a place to spend new years, hopefully something will come up that is affordable. i got a banging dress and i cant wait to squeeze my ass n it. hopefully it doesnt bust lol.

so new years resolution. dont really have one and i always hear people talkn bout they dont believe in that bc you shouldnt wait till the new years to do something, why not now. i guess my PLANS would be to do everything bigger and better. hopefully. there is nothing i really want to change about myself. maybe shed a couple of lbs but that wud not be a plan for the new year cuz i been tryin to do that forever lol. i would like a new job. but that is in the works. i would like more money. i guess that would come with a new job. so i guess there is nothing... i just pray for another safe year for myself, my friends, and my fam...

anyways, i guess i should be doing some work now

why is it so effin cold? my gas light has been on all weekend but i was too lazy to go get some. so this morning i realized i better get some before my ass stop in the middle of the street... pull over to the gas station and get out and it feels like the north pole outside. put in my card and get ready to pump.. my fingers damn near fell off, i cud only got in like 3 dollars and some change before i was like fuck it.. i was seriously about to start crying. thats how cold my hands were. i know its sposed to be cold in the winter but DAMN. i just want to stay inside for the rest of the winter.

xmas is this week and have i bought any presents for anyone? lol no. damn shame but money has been tight lately. all i am able to afford is my bills, if even that at times. but God has blessed me recently with my 2nd raise for the year. except it wont kick in till jan 1st so i guess i gotta wait. so i gotta b ghetto this yr and buy xmas gifts after xmas.. oh well.

sooo excited for the new year. not too sure why but i am. i was pissed last week bc my job wont reimburse me for 6 sigma so i cant take it this upcomin semester.. cant afford that shit. their reason was so bogus and vague but then they cheered me up with my raise so i cant be to upset. i just have to postpone i guess till i can afford it on my own. in any case, 2mr is my last day at work till next monday.. whooo hooooooooooo

yo some people are so stuck on themselves it is unbelieveable. i dont know why certain people feel that the world revolves around them and everything should be in their favor... YOU should do things for them... you should give them what you have.. bitch please. everybody got their own shit going on, worry about what you need to do to get the things you want. im so tired of people always looking for a handout... nigga youve gotten the same opportunities as me. how you dealt with them is your business not mine. too often i hear, well i was thinking you could.. well could you do this for me...bla bla.. dont get me wrong, i am always willing to help people out when i feel like they honestly need the help, but when i feel you can do shit on your own, then thats what you need to do. dont try to tell me what you was thinking i could do. actually, no you could do the same thing for yourself.

in any case.. i am excited for the holidays and this year coming to an end. every year its like im given a new chance to do better and make better decisions than i did the previous yr. i dont really have any BIG plans for 09 except that i just want a better job and perhaps get out of philly.. but i am being patient and doing what i can with what i have. i think God gave me this job to prepare me for the world we live in cuz Lord do these people make me want to blow somehting up EVERY SINGLE DAY. i assume tho once i move on, i will be able to deal with any type of person and any environment.. we will see i guess...

i finally got heat. alleluia. no more using the oven to heat up the house like a project chic :)

so greatful

i love this time of the year bc i get to see family and loved ones and spend time with them. it kind of sux bc i live here in philly and all my close friends and fam are ELSEWHERE. so in order to see them i always have to travel. i love traveling, but the time it takes to travel is what kills me. a 2-3 hr drive to home and CT this holiday took like 6 hrs and it sucked real hard. however i had a really good thanksgiving. bf flew in and we went to NY and CT to visit both of our families. it was so relaxing and made me realize how bad i want to be back in ny making more money than i am now. but patience.. i must have patience. i figure i will get to that point as soon as i make myself a bit more marketable by taking this 6 Sigma class in january and participating in more projects at work to build my resume. i figure by march once the class is over, ill have a whole lot more to sell myself with to get a better job in a better location. as far as thanksgiving, ate at both families place, so good, i prolly gained 120 lbs (laxatives here i come!) but i feel good. slept every chance i got. did a lil shoppin on black friday but nothin special.. there werent any great deals, so i just got lil shit. im proud to say i only spent $45 on black friday. mainly cuz thats all i had to begin with lol... now im back at work and reality realizing how much i think life sux here n philly, but it doesnt. it is what it is. i really have nothing to complain about so i wont. the weather sucked comin back last nite but i made it safely thank god...cant wait for xmas!!!!

yo emotions fuckin suck. when i am about to get my period, i am an emotional wreck. its actually upsetting. i want to break down and cry about everything, im mad moody, every little thing i take personal, everything gets on my nerves, i want/need mad attention. i hate it in everyway possible. i wish there was something that cud cure emotional pmsing but shit dont work. i could say okay im goin to take control of my emotions but really they are controlling me. times like this i just need to stay home locked up with no access to anything. i be mad jealous of everything.

now this may sound stupid but im going to talk about it becuz this is my blog and i created it so that i cud talk about wat i wanted. so i feel some type of way when i see couples writing on eachothers wall and my boyfriend will never write anything on my wall. as stupid and petty as it sounds, it gets under my skin. i cant explain why it affects me, and at the end of the day it may not be that serious, but still.. something so SIMPLE is such a difficult task for certain people!

on another note, i cannot deal with people whove been working here for so long yet everytime they are asked to do an assignment, they act like today is their first day of employment and they dont know anything. my god...

only thing saving me from goin insane today is my ipod..

oh btw i hate when niggas say oh my life is so good now that im not with so and so.. this person makes me happy and there is no stress, DUH YOU FUCKIN IDIOT ITS becuz u just met her. who shows their true colors at the begininng? everyone with common sense knows dating and relationships always start off sweet and peaceful.. wait till she starts to get on ur nerves u idiot. NIGGAS are so dumb now a days... its like they all poured their common sense into a black hole one day

i just realized over the internet a lot of people pretend they are one way when they are really not. i guess the internet is everyones chance to be someone they have always wanted to be. i have 2 examples; 1 - the church girl who swears out shes in church everyday either praying, helping out the community, or just being an active church member.. and they claim they dont go out, listen to secular music, or engage n sexual activities with members of the opposite sex. BULLSHIT. dont you know half the time them are the main ones who are sleeping with multiple dudes. ive seen proof!!!! & im not even suprised. 2 - the person who claims they are so independent and got their own shit and dont need no nigga for nothing and niggas aint shit and all the stuff i got i bought on my own. BULLSHIT bitch. ill let you believe that. ive seen proof!! i need people to understand when you create a pretend life for yourself, be careful who you write msgs/emails to bc that shit is saved and they are showing other people! not to mention, if you gonna do your dirt, dont sleep at that niggas house! people see you idiot! it must be really embarassing to portray yourself as gods lil angel and then find yourself waking up in some dudes bed who wants u to go home so he can call his main chic... jeeze louise.

i am not perfect. i have made many mistakes. and i have learned from all of them. ive been in shitty situations that i have had to make the most out of. ive also learned from others mistakes as well. but in no way shape or form will you ever find me living a pretend life or coming off to people as one way when behind closed doors im a completely different person. nigga pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. im me, ill always be me, and nothing else but me. i am who i am and if you dont like me, stay away from me bitch!!!!!

i am sasha fierce

so i know this is pretty corny but i won beyonce's cd on 100.3 the beat..
ive never won anything in my life before so im ultra excited as if
i have won the lotto...

it brightened up my day.

so i drive to pearlevision to get my glasses adjusted and i hear them talkn bout call to get it now, so i call.. and like usual it is busy whenever i call a radio station so i hang up, try again, same thing..

hang up, try 1 more time... someone answers the phone like hey!
i'm like hey!

lol... and i won!!!
so i have to go pick it up in conshohocken at some point tomorrow because i already took my lunch break already today.. bummer

mind you the last REAL CD i bought was vivian green's which was some time ago, so this is a huge deal to me!

there is always so much ish i want to write about but i always forget when it is time to write... bummer...