control

coming from a family where there are really no good men on either sides lol the idea of a controlling relationship has always bothered me deeply to the point that i want to write a book about it. and i feel like in this day & age it is getting WORSE. people have lost touch of what a HEALTHY relationship is. thats not to say that all of my relationships have been healthy but i can honestly say i am not a fan of control and dont mind telling whoever im involved with that that shit aint cool nicca. when you are in a relationship, boyfriend/girlfriend, marriage, friendship, watever kind of relationship.. both persons involved are supposed to compliment eachother. be on the same wavelength, be equal. you have ur roles, i have mine. we both work to bring eachother up and thats that. so when i constantly see women n relationships where the man 1. doesnt like her hanging around her friends 2. wants to pay for everything and refuses to let her pay for stuff 3. doesnt want her going out unless hes around 4. wants to control her money and tell her what she should spend her hard earned money on 5. gets upset if she spends time with a family member 6. doesnt wnat to be with her but doesnt want her to be with anyone else 7. i can go on for days with examples but i think u get my point.. IT DRIVES ME FLIPPIN NUTS, THAT SHIT IS NOT HEALTHY.

i honestly feel like u have some serious self esteem issues and personal problems with urself that u feel at ur best when youre controlling someone else. go kill urself. now my problem is, i have an issue being upfront with someone if i know it will hurt them. i am a punk, i admit. i dont want to hurt anyone or say things that i know will make someone feel like shit. but i cant continue to sit here and watch you be controlled by this foolishness. for chrissake, have some respect for yourself. so, i need to find a way to be more upfront with people, friends, family members, and so on. i need to figure out a way to be able to be real with people and let them know im not saying it to hurt them but to help them.

what is this world coming to?

annoyed. people are so annoying. i dont wanna hear about ur problems first thing monday morning. nor do i want to share my breakfast, lunch, dinner, or any other meal with you. in addition to that, i dont feel like going to the meter with u every 2 hours. im busy and i have work to do. i dont want to sit in the balcony at church with you. i want to sit in the front, by myself. i dont want to hang out with u on the weekend bc all u want to do is eat. and all i want to do is drink. leave me alone.

hmph. i just wrote a post & it didnt save. boooooo

lupus walk was this weekend and it was pretty fun. it was short which was a good thing bc i still had the rest of the day left to get stuff done. it was 2 miles but i swear it felt like 10 ft. anyways had a fun filled weekend with friends and my lover boy. life. is. good.

last week was the last week for tax season/my pt job and i must say i was extremely overwhelmed but very happy it is over. lawd that was the most annoying-est job ive ever had n my life. omgoodness. im n search for another pt to support my weekend drinking habit and i have something promising so we will see. *fingers crossed*

gotta get back to running, i gained weight since t-dad and its depressing. :( treadmill here i come.

life is sweet. i am happy. satisfied with life. i think moving down here was the best decision i ever made n my life.