I cant get rid of this awkwardness im feeling in my heart. How do u die at 26 yrs old??? Our bickering n stupid convos keep replaying n my head n i swear i still cant believe it. Very saddened by this but more than anything im extremely confused. I guess ive never lost anyone who didnt die of old age/health issues. I jus cant grasp this shit, forreal.

I gotta stop lookn at his pics on fb bc thats wats fuckn wit my head the most. I remember if i was flippn 5 mins late to work, hed always msg me on gchat n ask if i was comn n. N id flip out like dude, wat the fuck? Chris was the hypest yet funniest dude ive every worked with...

an old coworker of mine from PHA died in his sleep friday nite. i was extremely shocked when i heard the news, still am totally speechless. i worked very close with him in my almost 2 yrs at pha. he was only 26. for someone to die that young out of the blue, i really had to take 2 steps back and look at all i am blessed with. not that i dont appreciate everything i have as well as the people in my life but i dont think i say it enough to those people how greatful i am to have them in my life. this kid was hype 24/7, i used to joke on him and call him hype williams bc before i cud even sit down n my seat at work he was saying something to me and im like dude.. chill out. looking thru his pics on FB and even his wall and how he commented on a friends status at 11pm fri nite just makes the situation seem so unreal to me. he still has a status up from friday morning! i went to church yesterday just to kind of bring myself back to thanking the LORD, i got to laxed in the past 2 months with not going and i realize i really have no reason to not be in church EVERY sunday. i have way too much to be greatful for and way too much people for me to pray for, for me to be at home chillin on the couch.

its crazy bc in life u just always assume everyone u know is going to live till their old unless they have health problems. but when someone ure exact age just dies, it really opens ur eyes to the fact that really, tomorrow is never promised.

needless to say, RIP Chris.

i wish somebody would drop me a shit load of money. because i could sure use it right now.

5 lane highway and im all the way in the right while this nut with a red suv comes flying all the way from the left lane almost running me off the road. only thing to my right is a friggin cement wall. i somehow managed to avoid him and i feel like it was nothing but satan trying to get the best of me. thank God i know Jesus Christ :0)

im totally SPRUNG. how did this happen? must be the weather.

yo.. men are on it 24/7. i mean really, give it a rest. they always got something to say and are always trying to holla no matter the time of the day.. dont they get tired? i get tired of hearing their voice. just shutup. its too hot outside. and im trying to concentrate on walking without tripping on this uneven sidewalk. so please. keep quiet.

i need to win the lotto...

i cant stand ghetto people...

THERE.

I said it... & lately i cant seem to escape them. with the 'always trying to start a fight, cussing in public, speaking improper english wherever they go, doing crazy shit to their children,' just being trifling in everyway possible.. IM OVER IT. i used to be able to ignore it but lately im bumping into it in everywhere.

1. i went to 2 cookouts this weekend. 1 of a co workers, 1 of a friend from college. the co-worker herself is not cool but the family members she had there.. WHEWWW... i could not wait to leave. from the cussing at the kids, to fat women with mustaches knockin me over and spittin ova my food, and the 90 degree weather... i was just like wtf. people started preparing to-go plates only 2 hrs afta the bbq had started. WTF! 2nd bbq, met up wit some dudes from drexel and it was cool. but lets jus say some family members of the dude havin the bbq were just rowdy for no reason. we went to lux at night and this chic cuirsed the parking attendant out so bad. FOR NO REASON. i mean i really felt sorry for dude, thats someones father. no matter how pissed i am at an adult, i would never cuirse one out. i might roll my eyes, suck my teeth.. but thats about it. theres a certain level of respect you should have for your elders NO MATTER WHAT. obviously parents arent teaching that anymore.

2. i went to get an annual physical today and it was cool except i had to get my bloodwork done elsewhere due to my insurance that sux dick.. anyways i go to this place.. and there are about 40 people in the wait room, i lie to you not. so im like wahtever, let me just get it over with. im aware its going to be a wait but oh well big deal.

Children - ghetto people tend to let their kids crawl all over the floor as if its not a public places and 100s of dirty nasty people dont walk on that floor. STOP IT. on top of that, kids are running around, screaming, running in the back, this one lady even had nerve to change her child on the counter where people sign in. WTF!!!!??? control ur kids!

Patience - ghetto people tend to have no patience. im aware of the wait but there is no need in complaining bc that shit is not going to speed up the process. so sit your ass down and shut the fuck up. i cant tell u how many people kept getting up and sayin to the clerk, 'well how much longer i gotts ta wait? well shit, whys it takin so damn long? i mean damn, can i make an appointment for another day?'. Really though?? your ass has nothing to do but go home and watch maury. so stop it. furthermore, the sucking teeth, clicking your SWV nails together, and rolling your eyes, is not necessary. its just not. like what exactly are you upset about? LOL i dont get it...

Names - ghetto people tend to have off the wall names. "Chiquita - Room 1"... did i just hear that right? yea i did.. Chiquita gets up with some long braids and swings them around her face and behind her back and proceeds in the back as if someone forced her dirty ass to be there. then she gonna have nerve to say "its about damn time!" next to Chiquita, i heard a Shawnteeka being called, and when i signed in i saw a Tomaya and Lernetta on the list... im not judging.. im jus sayin

thats all i have for now. but the nurse or lab chic or phlebotomist (sp) watever she was, poked the shit outta me, cudnt get any blood then poked the shit outta my other arm. she clearly didnt know what she was doing. now i look like i just came from dialysis. highly upset...

i hate telling people something then they take it and run with it. fall back son.

i realized im surrounded by a lot of annoying people on a daily basis. im trying my hardest to just ignore it. but sometimes i really do contemplate slapping people. although i speak violence, ive never actually acted out on it before. and i feel like i might be approaching that point sooner or later.

aside from that, life has been grande. grinding at work and living my life to the fullest everyday. dc is very exciting now that it has gotten warm. i have no trips planned for the summer but i would love to go to puerto rico be4 fall. i was hoping maybe someone could jus throw some money out the sky or something.... wishful thinking

i have an issue helping people who cant help themselves. i feel like if you cant work hard for what you want, why should i help you get what you want?

i have an issue with people who constantly pour out their problems to others every chance they get, but the minute you want to speak to them about something, they dont want to listen or could care less about what you have to say.. damn shame

i have an issue with people who are always worried about what other people are doing instead of worrying about themselves. what i do on a daily basis, with who or what, what i have, what im working on is MY BUSINESS. if i choose to share it with you or not, is MY BUSINESS. its not that hard...

its crazy bc i dont ask questions to people bc i dont give a fuck so i dont know why people ask me questions 24 fucking 7. its annoying as shit. stop it.

i am tired of being nice. it has been bought to my attention that i am people pleaser. i say yes to people when i want to say no. i feel bad hurting peoples feelings. i listen to peoples bullshit bc i dont want to make them worse than they already are. however, im fuckin tired. i want to be left alone sometimes. i dont feel like tellin u my business. ive worked hard for everything ive got, dont ever get that shit twisted. nothin was EVER given to me. furthermore, i got my own fuckin problems so i dont wanna hear yours every fuckin day. yes i have problems. everyone has problems. i jus dont share mine with every tom, dick, and harry. furthermore, your insecurities are your insecurities. i understand you have insecurities but keep that shit away from me. figure your shit out, niggas is too grown to be acting like 10 yr old abused kids. i feel sorry for kids but i cant feel sorry for grown ass adults. bc you realize ur problems and dont try to address them. i aint got time for that shit.

lawd have mercy, females can be so goddamn annoying at times, youd think i had children!

im ready to retire. that is all.