*drumroll please*

with a few calculations, im pleased to announce i will be back on my feet financially by November 15th

*applause* lol

god willing no unexpected costs come up. (ALWAYS SOMETHING)im excited.

im tired lately. tired of hearing people speak. if you dont have anything relevant to say, stop speaking. so many people just keep speaking. its hurting my ears lol. why do people talk so much?? i been trying to figure that out for years. i think a lot of people just like to be heard. come on. go sit in the bathroom and talk to yourself, no one wants to hear you.

sometimes i forget this thing exists unless i have something to speak about that struck a nerve. nothing has been going on really... i work. chill. work out. sleep. drink. eat. and start all over again. i have lost 10 lbs since august and i am oh so excited. im thinking about taking a diuretic pill at some point bc i always feel bloated. i dunno if that will help but supposedly it should. i have had 0 dollars lately because i want to pay off as much stuff as possible. i really dont want to enter 2010 with uncessary bills if i can afford to pay them off NOW. so that has been my main focus in the past 2 months or so. its difficult because sometimes i pay too much not realizing that i did not put enough money aside for basic stuff like food, train fare, and toiletries so sometimes i end up in a bind. but u live & learn so i am trying to keep that in mind when paying down stuff. sad to say but i will not be leaving the state of VA for the entire month of october. crazy right? there was a point where i cud not sit my ass still, when the weekend came i had to be somewhere whether it be ny, houston, philly, or visitin a friend elsewhere. but the time has come to be an adult i guess?? lol but i cant complain. it feels good. i like being on a routine and being able to stay at home has given me way more time in the gym and time to prepare healthy meals hence my weight loss. so its definitely for the better. time is approaching for kf to move here & we are both excited. this should be interesting. i am so curious to see how things plan out, especially since we both have matured MAJORLY this entire year.. we will see

what is it with dudes that they feel they have to be smarter than you and better then you in everything? it aint that deep. i dont mind letting a man be a man, but this is not a competition, ure not going to get a prize. by you giving me info i already know like you are schooling me, its annoying, just keep quiet.

hmmmm... briefly... i usually just laugh at celebrity gossip but true story this joint with alicia keys and swizz beats is crazy. and the reason it has gotten my attention so much is bc i can totally relate to it, not directly but in the crazy amounts of women i know personally that have been thru that ish. in every situation there is an ideal approach and a realistic approach. we all know the ideal approach may not always be realistic and vice versa. i can only speak from my point of view so this is strictly opinionated but this is my blog sooo duh thats what its going to be.. sad to say but men will be men. there is no getting around that, they are like dogs, you throw a dog a bone, hes gonna go for it. u give him a bowl of food, hes going to eat it. you cant put a bowl of food on the ground and say dont eat it doggy lol thats just not real. so i go on to say that its sad but a lot of times u cannot control the actions of stupid ass men. however, i feel like there is just entirely too many women out there who dont respect themselves or others. its a damn shame. to sleep with a married man has to be the lowest of them all. marriage is something you do before God. and as much men as there are out there, there is no need to chase after a MARRIED one. & its sad that women cannot stick together and respect eachother. i mean look at it this way, if a good looking chic catches the attention of ur dude and u dont like it, u will be quick to say something about the chic. thats our nature, aint nothin wrong with that. bc jus like animals, when we feel threatened by something, we react. so the issue i have with this situation is everybody criticizing swizz beats wife for the way she went about confronting a. keys but not realizing that as a woman, alicia already blatantly disrespected the wife in sooooo many ways, so regardless of how the wife goes about it, the mistress deserves to be put on blast. a married man is not yours and will never be yours no matter what that nigga tells you... tsk tsk tsk.

stressed is an understatement. i feel like ive hit rock bottom. i just keep hoping and praying.. and trying to remain positive. somethings gotta give eventually...

i decided to see if i could go this month without painkillers for my killa cramps. terrible. i felt like i was going to die yesterday. needless to say i am alive today but still uncomfortable. i want to go home. we have some stupid potluck today at work and i stayed up mad late last night cooking some damn bbq wings bc i forgot to defrost them when i got home. so im irritable. and hungry. and want my bed. and some money. thank goodness tomorrow is friday otherwise id cuss somebody out

ive come to the conclusion that about 90% of the people i come/have came across in life are weird as hell. what happened to all the normal people???

BP3

hardest joint on the album... well n my opinion

So Ambitious - Jayz f Pharell

im psyched bc kerns replacement starts today and im hoping he's a genius so he can learn everything in a month and k can come here by november lol...

wishful thinking i guess

doctors are a waste of time. 60 dollar copayment and being late to work was so not worth this nicca telln me something n 3 mins that he couldve told me over the phone. not to mention im to the point where i want to peel my face off bc these spots wont go away. fuck yo

marriage....

hmmmmmmm... do i really want to ever engage in that agreement that has so many people going crazy now a days? to be honest, its not that it scares me, its that the number of unsuccessful marriages that i know terribly out weighs the number of successful marriages i know. what is it that has people divorcing left and right or just being plain miserable with thier husband/wife? knowin me id blame it on the man. somethin the man isnt doing right lol. bc us women for a fact tend to change everything about ourselves to please our men, its the men who never want to change and we all know that marriage is about comprimizing. if you cant compromise then theres going to be problems. i dunno, its a crazy thing. every adult and by adult i mean at least 35 and over that has been married are either divorced and pretty much hate the person, or are still married and absolutely miserable. the only happy marriages i know are people who have gotten married within the last 5 to 6 yrs yo, and really that is supposed to be the happiest times so i can see why that is. but again, i constantly ask myself is that a road i ever want to go down? i feel like if i find a dude who is willing to compromise, he will be soft and i dont want no soft nigga. i been wit 2 soft niggas before and i cant stand that shit. i need a man to put me n my place from time to time and not cry if i say somtehing he dont like. then i hear the stories of husbands doin dirty shit to their women. or kern will tell me stories about men at his job who never want to go home jus to avoid their wife and kids. will my husband be like that?? thats sad. i know women tend to nag and b very demanding but its bc men dont take care of business sometimes and we are doin 90% of the work, its not fair. i feel like we wouldnt nag and demand shit if u jus did wtf u was supposed to do. obviously u cant go out the guys every nite of the week if we have kids nigga. so dont call me a bitch for wantin ur ass home sometimes or not wantin u to do somewhere. i need a fuckin life too. ugh it irks me when i hear and read the countless stories about a marriage that went bad bc of the dude. which is why marriage is honestly somthing im not lookn forward to. i mean i kno people always say well when u find the right one then ull be fine. but is there even a such thing?? bc based on all the men ive came across n my life, friends, partners, family members, exes and husbands of friends, THEY ARE ALL THE SAME. no matter what you say and there is no changing my mind in that topic. because ive analyzed them all and they all do and say the same shit. so if a nicca tell u he different, its for the time beinng. once that fool get comfortable, he will be the fool all the rest of them are. well let me stop talkn shit.. but true story tho, maybe my mind will change when i get older. its not that i dont want to get married, i do someday. but i just dont want it to be like the rest of the failed marriages that exist now a days with people who have been married 10-15 yrs or more. somethings gotta give..