slow down

you ever have such a wild weekend that you cant differentiate what happened in your dreams vs what actually happened?! i remember so many things from the weekend but cant figure out what really happened and what just happened in my dreams fri and sat nite.

living on the edge all day everyday. but i dont even care anymore. why should i? im 26. life is woah exciting when you have not a care in the world. not to mention i am 100% free now so i dont have to actually feel bad about anything anymore. such a peaceful feeling.

all smiles

damned if i do, damned if i dont

"Dear women,
If you become a mother, we won't support you, cut your hours, and eventually fire you.
If you don't have children, we'll question that, blame your success on that, and assume you can work more because you have "no life".
How to win? Become a man. Everything you do is just wrong.
Kisses,
The Patriarchy"

This was comment on a blog about how sexism still exists in the workplace and basically how 49% of women who make ova 100K dont have children by the age of 40. i think that is kinda creepy. thats a HUGE amount of women. so does that mean if i have kids, i might not make it to 6 figures? or if i wanna make it to 6 figures, i better not have no damn kids? lol i mean i understand it, the amount of time women have to take off from work due to maternity leave can slow down your salary advancements.. in addition to that some women end up coming back to work with no real role. their position has been given to someone else. thats sad. so my recommendation, is for everyone to become a housewife. find u a rich man, marry him, and stay ur ass home. yeah!

LMAO.. im clearly joking

my morals have totally flown out the door as of recently.. its actually quite sad lol but ive had this i dont give a fuck, ima do what i want, when i want, how i want, and so on attitude for quite some time. ive always been the type of person to feel like if you hurt me, i will hurt you 50x harder.. in the ass.. i cant help it. i feel like im such a giving and loving person that for someone to hurt me, their just ruthless. so they deserve whatever they get. BUT... i kno that is not right. i am quite aware of right and wrong... so i guess im going to try to change that attitude?

ive been going to church on a regular basis for about 6 months now but ive only really used it as an opportunity to pray for my mother and not myself. maybe i need to do some deep soul searching. who knows. all i know is that someones gonna get fucked over soon lol

i got 19 days to shed some weight. i dont really have a goal, id jus like to drop a few.. ugh. so fruits and veggies for lunch and dinner everyday till then. maybe some cereal for breakfast. i gotta run hard everyday. the amt of weight i gained since trinidad is ridiculous. like i just totally lost myself. food is so good though lol.

i realized i have a lot of negativity in my life whether it be friends, family, situations, relationships, etc. im slowly working on ways to remove all of it. i have succeeded in removing 1 person out of my life completely bc of all the drama and bullshit revolving around this butthole. it felt good but lets hope i can keep it up bc the bastard has a way with words. we shall see...

i had a fun filled but too much driving type of weekend. fri spent it wit the ladies in jersey eating and drinking and talkin shit. great great times. saturday morn i headed home to spend some time wit my mommy and harass my sister. sat nite i had to go to CT to be with dude's fam for his bros graduation on sunday. very nice to be around GOOD friends and family. there is still uncessary drama tho, its like i cant escape it. and its draining.

besides that tho, life.is.good. no more work or mentoring so my evenings are completely free and i cant wait to bang out these workouts everyday.

opportunity is a knocking and i am jumping all over it, please believe. time waits for no one. wish me luck! :-P

ps - book club was this weekend and we discussed this book called Steven by Marvin Curtis Reed. Great read! The author even called in to discuss with us. After he got off the phone we talked about controlling relationships and it was such a coincidence bc i just posted on this recently. Sad to say, I know a few people involved in these terrible terrible situations and I guess all you can really do is pray for them because people have to be ready to do things on their own...

Praise the lord my relationship has never been controlling :)

Family will bring you downnnnnnn

control

coming from a family where there are really no good men on either sides lol the idea of a controlling relationship has always bothered me deeply to the point that i want to write a book about it. and i feel like in this day & age it is getting WORSE. people have lost touch of what a HEALTHY relationship is. thats not to say that all of my relationships have been healthy but i can honestly say i am not a fan of control and dont mind telling whoever im involved with that that shit aint cool nicca. when you are in a relationship, boyfriend/girlfriend, marriage, friendship, watever kind of relationship.. both persons involved are supposed to compliment eachother. be on the same wavelength, be equal. you have ur roles, i have mine. we both work to bring eachother up and thats that. so when i constantly see women n relationships where the man 1. doesnt like her hanging around her friends 2. wants to pay for everything and refuses to let her pay for stuff 3. doesnt want her going out unless hes around 4. wants to control her money and tell her what she should spend her hard earned money on 5. gets upset if she spends time with a family member 6. doesnt wnat to be with her but doesnt want her to be with anyone else 7. i can go on for days with examples but i think u get my point.. IT DRIVES ME FLIPPIN NUTS, THAT SHIT IS NOT HEALTHY.

i honestly feel like u have some serious self esteem issues and personal problems with urself that u feel at ur best when youre controlling someone else. go kill urself. now my problem is, i have an issue being upfront with someone if i know it will hurt them. i am a punk, i admit. i dont want to hurt anyone or say things that i know will make someone feel like shit. but i cant continue to sit here and watch you be controlled by this foolishness. for chrissake, have some respect for yourself. so, i need to find a way to be more upfront with people, friends, family members, and so on. i need to figure out a way to be able to be real with people and let them know im not saying it to hurt them but to help them.

what is this world coming to?

annoyed. people are so annoying. i dont wanna hear about ur problems first thing monday morning. nor do i want to share my breakfast, lunch, dinner, or any other meal with you. in addition to that, i dont feel like going to the meter with u every 2 hours. im busy and i have work to do. i dont want to sit in the balcony at church with you. i want to sit in the front, by myself. i dont want to hang out with u on the weekend bc all u want to do is eat. and all i want to do is drink. leave me alone.

hmph. i just wrote a post & it didnt save. boooooo

lupus walk was this weekend and it was pretty fun. it was short which was a good thing bc i still had the rest of the day left to get stuff done. it was 2 miles but i swear it felt like 10 ft. anyways had a fun filled weekend with friends and my lover boy. life. is. good.

last week was the last week for tax season/my pt job and i must say i was extremely overwhelmed but very happy it is over. lawd that was the most annoying-est job ive ever had n my life. omgoodness. im n search for another pt to support my weekend drinking habit and i have something promising so we will see. *fingers crossed*

gotta get back to running, i gained weight since t-dad and its depressing. :( treadmill here i come.

life is sweet. i am happy. satisfied with life. i think moving down here was the best decision i ever made n my life.